Living in a Thai Monastery

After picking up 2 more friends in Pai, the 5 of us set off unaware of what was to come. Unaware is the keyword in this opening sentence. We arrived at a large forest-covered mountainous monastery greeted by a monk. We were told the rules such as- no music, no touching, no yoga, and we eat only breakfast and lunch at 5am and 11am. We must follow the strict rules, many people staying here are silent and this is taken very seriously. 

Gabby and I were separated from the boys, and we put our bags down in a large Kuti room. The room had nothing but 10 wooden hard beds and a thin sheet to lay on. My issue was why? I want to know the why’s of everything. Why do we follow this set regime, why must we pray in a certain way and who really is Buddha? I had been a Christian since I was 18, does this mean my chanting Buddhist rituals means I am no longer devoted to my own God? I came to the monastery to expand my knowledge not only of Buddhism but life itself. Although by the end of it, I felt I came out with more questions than answers.

We arrived at 5pm when we had free time, we went to the large kitchen with tea and coffee. There was a row of books all about Buddhist teachings, I sat down, began reading and decided to embrace this opportunity. Trying not to think of it like Girl, Interrupted or Shutter Island. It was a culture shock for sure, but that’s why I travel, to be shocked in beautiful ways that many people will never experience.

Things got real when we sat in the Dharma to begin meditation. If you are like me and your brain is constantly ticking, you probably also can only meditate for around 5 minutes, this was 2 hours. And around 6 hours a day of pure silence and meditation, if we had small sessions on how to meditate or we could ask questions I would have benefited much more from the experience. But any time I was to ask a question it would be the wrong time or they would brush it off by saying that’s the way that it is. I think in England especially we really lack discipline, when someone tells me what to do I simply want to do the opposite. So on my first night, I thought about what I wanted to gain from this experience and why I am here, trying to embrace this opportunity. We are in a beautiful location on a meditation retreat that some people would pay thousands of money for. Although I did notice some people were almost arrogant and didn’t smile, we even saw a groundworker hitting a dog and when we tried to stop him and tell the staff at the monastery nothing was done about it. Some things I found just a bit freaky here, I could easily write a film about the experience after only being here for 12 hours.

After a sleep on a hard wooden bed covered by a small sheet, we woke at 5am to meditate again in our rooms. By 6am, the sun still wasn’t up but we were spoon-feeding rice to monks, I wanted to know the why! Then we ate one of our 2 meals a day of potatoes and rice, all I wanted was some cornflakes. It blows my mind that people grow up in places like this, the grounds are so beautiful but it makes me think of the hundreds of people I saw sleeping on the streets of Bangkok, the same country but worlds apart from each other. This is an experience like no other, after morning chanting, 80 people dressed head to toe in white in a line walk around the grounds (woman at the back of course). I have so many questions about the equality or more inequality of gender here, considering to be Buddhist is to be mindful and equal. When I asked, they said in other monasteries it is different, just not in this one. Women sat at the back, walked behind the men, and were separated from them. I don’t want to deter anyone from visiting a place like this, I just found this almost contradicting the teachings we were practising for 8 hours a day.

After lunch on the second day, I really sank into the point of being here; growth and enlightenment. As I first properly meditated, 2 minutes later a dog came and sat on my lap, is this coincidence or potential spiritual enlightenment? I also chatted with some others who were not silent, we talked about religion, and how we felt about the lack of equality in this specific monastery and said we would all work in the kitchen at 5.30am and help out. Aside from this, many people just didn’t smile the entire time, whether it was because they are in their own minds meditating or just rude, myself and the 4 others I came here with found it hard to connect with people. Maybe if I came alone I would have had a different experience, but the 5 of us after coming from partying in Pai were in a state of… what the fuck are we doing. I love meeting new people and questioning how 80 of us had ended up here in this monastery, but many people didn’t want to talk and I guess that’s ok, everyone was on their own journey and visited for their own specific reasoning.

Our original plan was to stay for 10 days, we lasted a total of 4. We woke up one morning and collectively decided we wanted to go back to civilisation. I wish I had taken more from the experience and I wouldn’t rule out visiting a new monastery again as I believe they are all run differently. I didn’t know what to expect but in ways, it did feel almost cult-like. It’s hard to put into words what it was surely like and the emotions we felt, I tied to embrace the experience as much as I could. But eating potato rations, sitting in silence for hours, sweeping leaves on the floor and walking step by step behind others all dressed in white where we had to take one step every 5 seconds just couldn’t grasp. All experiences are good experiences and I’m glad I went but I’m also glad I didn’t stay 10 days.

There are monasteries all around the world with their own way of working, but this one for me wasn’t what I thought it would be. But this isn’t to put anyone else off, it’s simply how I felt at the time. If you have an interest, not only in Buddhism but anything at all, then go for it. Go and visit and experience and do things that challenge you mentally, you will come out stronger regardless of if you had a good experience or not, it is so interesting to meet other cultures and religions and people.